i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
