He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize