apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
