what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
