wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
