ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
