i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no you cant smoke seaweed
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
