Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
