you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
