If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
