Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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