I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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