If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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