At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
