I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
