areolas are like halos for boobs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
