At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
