Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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