This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
