She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize