I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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