just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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