I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
