i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
