I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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