I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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