Plan B is the new Plan A
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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