But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
