So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
