I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
