quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
