My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
