STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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