I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
