I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I pour the whiskey from now on
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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