I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
