$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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