No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
