Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
