The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
