i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
