i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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