I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
