I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
