would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
