What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
