yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
