I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
where does the pee come out of this thing
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
