You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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