Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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