im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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