This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My ATM looks so different sober.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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