She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
