I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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