Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Welp...herpes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
