I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
