Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
