who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
