i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
