You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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