ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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