Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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