My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
