grandma shit on top of the toilet
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
