it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
