oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
