he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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