I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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