What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
