i think my tv is drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
