I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
