I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
