Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
