marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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