I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
