I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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