So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wannas sexs uuuuu
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
