Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize