I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
