drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
